6.21.2010

This is just a stop on our way to where we are going

For so many years you have been my best friend. My big brother. My safe place. Why did you have to go and fuck it up?

We grew up being friends, we tried to be in a relationship when we were much too young but even then it didn't pan out. We have always been destined to be friends. But then things got messy. I dated a dick. He said I should stop being friends with my 'guy' friends - most importantly this included you. Blinded by love I let our friendship drift. You are to blame too. You let it all happen. But it happened.

Three years later I call you up. I tell you I need you. You are there for me. Somehow we are right back to where we left our friendship. You have always been there. Always comforted me. Always listened. Always cared. Always made it better. Three years later, you are still that person. The only difference is you are a man and not a boy now. You are still my best friend. Still my shoulder to cry on. Still the man that brings laughter to my life. And I am the same for you. You have told me this more than a hundred times. There are things that only we know about eachother. We have been through the good times, the hard times, and the downright ugly times. Without you is never a place I ever want to touch again.

With everything going on in my life-and your's too we have gotten even closer. Telling each other absolutely everything. Days will pass with us walking and telling each other everythign that has happened since the last time we saw each other, the nights will pass with me cuddled in your arms full of tears over the last man - *cough, with their maturity level I should clasify them still as boys - you wipe away my tears, hold me until i feel better, and buy me a drink to forget. You are my favorite person. You always know what to say, where to be, what i need, what i want. You always know exactly how to take care of me.

I thought I had it all with you. The best friend that I never had to worry about anything with. But now I see that I was wrong. I know you care for me as much more than a friend. I don't when this happened and I wish there was someone to blame. We can never let things get weird between us because I need you more than you will ever know. I could never risk loving you and loosing you as my best friend. I would not survive loosing you again. I have faith that we will find our way through this but I hate that I can't love you the way you might want right now. I can't let myself ever fall for you - I need you so much - I can't ever risk us breaking each others hearts.

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