You never find yourself until you face the truth. - Pearl Bailey

After having an extremely difficult few months here last night I finally got the bitch slap I have been needing since pretty much day 1. Thank you for showing me your true colors, thank you for showing me that the man i thought you were - that i defended - that i let walk all over me becasue i thought it was only time until you got down on your knees and begged me for my forgiveness and things would be blissful with us - thank for showing me that this man that i thought you were is without a doubt NOT the man that you are. Not even close. Not even a little bit. Thank you being an incredible dissapointment and giving me the courage to say Fuck You and mean it. To helping me find my inner strength and walking out and meaning it so sincerely. After weeks passing of me feeling that i did something wrong and let it all slip through the cracks and fall apart i now realize that you took advantage of me - if you needed space you should have taken it but instead you played hot and cold and let me fall for you - knowing full aware what you were doing, and doing it anyways. A real man would have walked away and said No, I am not ready for this. Instead you dragged me through it all. I am just as much to blame because I let you do it. I put myself through it just as much as you encouraged it. Thankfully the dream man i thought you were is not even a miniscule portion of you. This is what makes it easy for me to shut that door, throw my hands up and find myself.

Everything happens for a reason. I am sure of this. Maybe you putting me through this is a way of letting your heart heal from your last relationship. Maybe you had to be cruel to me to be able to find your footing and be able to move on to something fresh and good. Despite the harshness you threw at me I do wish you all the best - I do wish that one day you find a woman that will be able to put up with you and that you will have a great life together. I have to say though, I am happy I am not that woman. I am proud to say that last night, through it all, i found my inner strength back. I got my independence back. I finally feel like myself again. Thank you for hurting me in such a way that you bitch slapped some sense back into me. I have faith that one day I will fall in love again and maybe you were just something i had to encounter maybe you came into my life to hurt me because after my three year relationship ended i felt nothing - maybe this was my punishment for wasting three years of my life with somoene i didn't love. I know that one day things are going to work out for me and that someone will treat me right. I know its out there for me and I am so thankful that i now more than ever realize i am worthy of a good man and of good love. Thank you for reminding me - I AM worth it.

During a huge rain storm in the city last night, me and a couple of my friends {yes, we are in our mid twenties} but we threw on our rubber boots and ran around the city streets jumping in puddles. It has been a long time since I felt so free, so exhilerated, so at ease with my life. Last night, I found myself again.