It's not fair

It doesn't seem fair. I don't know how to get out of feeling so sad - somehow I found myself down the bloody rabbit hole once again, clawing for a way to find the happy surface again. Why is it that I always tend to let myself slip so far away? I am so stressed about so many things - I know everyone is. What I struggle with is having my best girl friend living out of province, and my best guy friend living on the other side of the country, and my ex love, ex best friend, ex person who i confided in for 3.5 years where we spoke literally every single day, is someone who I don't speak to at all. I know its not fair to him but I desperately want to call him up and just talk to him, just have someone that i can pour all of my thoughts and worries into him simply because I need someone to fall into and have hold me. I just need to feel the strenght of someone.