I am crashing into the seems of my soul.

Dear Diary {because thats how i feel like i need to write this},

A couple of days ago, my long time boyfriend of 3 1/2 years ended our relationship. I am suprisingly okay, not sad really just relieved. I know thats a bad thing to say but really, both of us knew our relationship had been dying for a long time and we just kept trying to hold onto it so tightly because it was safe and we cared for eachother. Its hard when you realize that you arent actually in love with someone anymore, you simply just love them, want the best for them, and cherish your friendship. Well after much thought on both ends, we finally had the "dreaded talk" and we both came out okay.

I am hoping that the man that i once loved with all of my heart will remain just as wonderful as my future friend and not become someone that i cannot respect. I trust that he truly has always been the man that i thought he was and that now that we are not romantically together anymore, that he will still remain that way. But there is doubt in my mind... Relationships even as clean cut as they seem sometimes can sometimes bring out the absolute worst in people.

I know that some days will be hard, some things will poke memory of our relationship and i am sure i will be hurt. But right now, right this second in time, i am okay - i am happy i am relived - i am feel motivated and excited to take on this world that i feel i have almost put on hold for so long. Squeeze me loosely world because I am back with the free spirited advernterous woman i once was and i have no desire to settle down for a long time.. 23 and ready to grab life by the balls.

Sincerely not so heartbroken,
xxo.