Have Some Fire

We are going to try again, and then we are going fail again because that's what progress looks like.  Progress looks like a bunch of failures.  You can have feelings about that because its sad but you can't fall apart.  One day we will succeed.

Rise Up

Let go.  Let go Ash.  You're a brave woman.  Do not be afraid to lean into the feelings.  You have been holding your fears so tight to your heart.  Relax.  Things are easy.  They are as they should be.  A gentle and powerful love.  Do not be afraid to step away from your comfort.  Miracles will happen when you let yourself breathe.  It is time to rise up.

Decide

So, do it. Decide.
Is this the
Life you want to live?
Is the person
You want to love?
Is this the best you can be?
Can you be stronger?
Kinder? More compassionate?
Decide.
Breathe in
Breathe out
And decide.

Hurt

"When a person tells you that you hurt them, you don't get to decide that you didn't."

Louis C.K. 

Boundaries

You will never be completely at home again, because part of your heart will always be elsewhere now.  That is the price you pay for the richness of knowing and loving different people and places.

And to be honest ...

 

And there she was ... out of her own skin, raw in love and away from the ordinary.  And I still loved her as she pieced herself back together while she broker herself apart.  And to be honest, there was nothing more beautiful than that ...

Lusting Life

Today is one of those days where I woke up with a sudden burst of energy and lust for life.  Something I have been missing for awhile now.  I feel excited, motivated, inspired, and energized to be the person that I have been dreaming I want to be.  For the last couple of months I have been spiraling into a space of self care.  Not a bad thing at all.  I needed this time.  I have been focusing on me, allowing myself to recharge, to allow myself the opportunity to self heal.  To not feel guilty for allowing myself that opportunity.  Almost a sense of hibernation.  I needed time to remove myself from many areas of my life.  I was living in a space that was burning me out instead of lifting me up and and lighting up my life, i was constantly burning myself to the ground.  The most important lesson I have allowed myself to learn in 2015 has been to allow room for self care and there is nothing to feel guilty about that.  Embrace it.  The people in your world who do not respect, understand or agree with your need to self care, let them fall away. 

Unexpected

In a very unexpected turn of events, my love life is a spiral of curious, exciting, and new adventures with my closest partner.  Life is so funny sometimes.

Three Very Important Things

 Remember to breathe.  Slow down.  Self care. 

Feeling

I've been feeling a little bit lost for some time now and I'm trying to find my ground again.  After loosing a very special piece of my heart to my newest angel, things with my career changing, relationships and friendships falling apart and coming together, many things have left me doubting who I am, what I want, what I am capable of, what I am strong enough to handle, and what to do when I need help.  To say that this year has challenged me in every way possible would be an understatement.

I am trying to find a way to let my feet touch the ground again.  To invite peace, calm, and love back into my world.  To learn to let go of the things that are damaging instead of healing to my being.  I am learning to love myself again, to be a kinder and softer soul.  I am learning to apologise less and to embrace myself. 

I choose me.

I choose me.  I will choose me every time, without doubt, without hesitation, I choose me.

Survival.

"I have come to believe that caring for myself is not self indulgent.  Caring for myself is an act of survival." - Audre Lorde

Be Honest.

 Your honesty will never disturb me.  Be honest with me.

Free.

"The truth will set you free, but first it will piss you off" - Gloria Steinem

This made me laugh and I had to save it.  Truth to a T.

Hear Me Roar.

"Never be ashamed of a scar.  It simply means you were stronger than whatever tried to hurt you."

Nurturing Soul.

"Be the one who nurtures and builds.  Be the one who has an understanding and a forgiving heart.  One who looks for the best in people.  Leave people better than you found them."

Awaken.

After a turbulent week of emotions, I am tackling this week with a more confident, relaxed, and beautiful outlook on life & relationships.  I choose to believe that everything that happens in life, hold a purpose.  You may not like the lessons that life throws at you, and the experiences are not always pleasant, but they awaken something in you - passion.  It may not be the happy passion we hold out for, but it will awake an emotion deep within you.  Be brave.

"Stop worrying.  Stop getting angry at things that aren't worth the energy you put into staying angry.  Take a shower.  Take five showers.  Hell, take ten showers if you want to.  Stay in bed all day and do 'nothing'.  Watch shitty romantic movies and cry your heart out.  Stay outside all day.  Wake up in the morning with the determination to fall in love with your city all over again.  Find quiet cafes and independent book stores that you've never come across before.  Pretend you're a tourist and take photographs.  Stay out all night.  Do things.  Take care of yourself. Breathe."

Destruction

"Power is being told you are not loved and not being destroyed by it." - Madonna

Drowning

The worst thing is watching someone drown and not being able to convince them that they can save themselves by just standing up.

That feeling.

You know that feeling?
When you're just waiting.
Waiting to get home, into your room,
close the door, fall into bed,
and just let everything out that you kept in all day.
That feeling of both relief and desperation.
Nothing is wrong.
But nothing is right either.
And you're tired.
Tired of everything, tired of nothing.
And you just want someone to
be there and tell you it's okay.
But no one's going to be there.
And you know you have to be strong
for yourself, because no one can fix you.
But you're tired of waiting.
Tired of having to be the one to fix yourself and everyone else.
Tired of being strong.
And for once, you just want it to be easy.
To be simple.  To be helped.  To be saved.
But you know you won't be.
But you're still hoping.
And you're still wishing.
And you're still staying strong and fighting,
with tears in your eyes,
You're fighting.