I don't want to be my own person

Do you ever feel like you are the only one looking out for youself? That you are the only one that truly cares when you hurt, when you are lonely, when you are happy, when you are playful? Sometimes I feel like there is a world that I have given up and most of the time I miss it. How did I get to this point? How did I get to this point where I thought I had a best friend and find out that really to her I am not hers. To see those people I thought were just my absolute best friends stop calling, stop trying to talk to me, go out every night and never ever invite me? I don't know how i got to this point..this depressed point? This lonely point? I think it's time for a big life move, a big move - somewhere away from this place - meet new people and emerse myself in the kind of friendship that doesnt hurt - where it isnt possible to feel unwanted.

I find myself watching grey's over and over and wondering how come I don't have 'a person'. I want 'a person'. Someone who wants to be my friend no matter what, who wants to hear about my day, my life, my relationship, I truly do not know how I got to this point where everything got fuzzy and I let strong friendships run their course and just let them go. What is wrong with me? Who would do that? I just let my friendships fall apart, stopped making the effort, I watched a life I loved - a life where I was loved, where I loved, slip through my fingers. I just want to go back I just want to turn the clock back a few years and I feel helpless because I can't and I feel helpless because I can't force people to want to be there for me, to want me with them, to be 'my person', and at the same time I just want someone to talk to, someone who wants to help me through everything, I am so sick of feeling alone and I can't keep beating myself up about it because it is tearing me apart.

Maybe I will always just be my own person...