This part of the book I am reading (Eat, Pray, Love by Elizabeth Gilbert) made me laugh so hard out loud.. hope you enjoi.. (oh, because i am not typing all.. i will explain that Liz has a urinary infection.. from having to much sex haha..Oh, and Felipe is her partner)
Felipe arrived with my medicine and a face full of remorse, apologizing to both me and Wayan for having inflicted me with this pain, or at least that's how he was seeing it.
"Not serious," said Wayan. "Not worry. I fix her soon. Quickly better."
Then she went into the kitchen and produced a giant glass mixing bowl full of leaves, roots, berries, something I recognized as turmeric, some shaggy mass of something that looked like witches' hair, plus eye of what I believe might have been newt...all floating in its own brown juice. There was about a gallon of it in the bowl, whatever it was. It stank like a corpse.
"Drink, honey," Wayan said. "Drink all."
I suffered it down. And in less than two hours...well, we all know how the story ends. In less than two hours I was fine, totally healed. An infection that would have taken days to treat with Western antibiotics was gone. I tried to pay her for having fixed me up, but she only laughed. "My sister doesn't need to pay." Then she turned to Felipe, fake stern: "You be careful with her now. Only sleep tonight, no touching."
"You're not embarrassed to fix people for problems like this, from sex?" I asked Wayan.
"Liz-I'm healer. I fix all problems, with women's vaginas, with men's bananas. Sometimes for women, i even make fake penises. For making sex alone."
"Dildos?" I asked, shocked.
"Not everyone has Brazilian boyfriend, Liz." she admonished. Then she looked at Felipe and said brightly, "If you ever need help making stiff your banana, I can give you medicine."
I was busily assuring Wayan that Felipe needed not one bit of help with his banana, but he interrupted me-always the entrepreneur-to ask Wayan if this banana-stiffening therapy of hers could perhaps be bottled and marketed. "We could make a forune," he said. But she explained, no, its not like that. All her medicines must be made fresh each day in order to work. And they must be accompanied by her prayers. Anyway, internal medicine is not the only way Wayan can firm up a man's banana, she assured us; she can also do this with massage. Then, to our lurid fascination, she described the different massages she does for men's impotent bananas, how she grips around the base of the thing and kind of shakes it around for about an hour to encourage the blood to flow, while incanting special prayers.
I asked, "But Wayan-what happens when the man comes back everyday and says, "Still not cured, Doctor! Need another banana massage!" She laughed at this bawdy idea, and admitted that, yes, she has to be careful not to spend too much time fixing men's bananas because it causes a certain amount of...strong feeling...within her, which she isn't sure is good for the healing energy. And sometimes, yes, the men get out of control. (As you would, too, if you'd been impotent for years and suddenly this beautiful mahogany-skinned woman with long black silky hair gets the engine to turn over again.) She told us about the one man who leapt up and started chasing her around the room during an impotency cure, saying: "I need Wayan! I need Wayan!"
No comments:
Post a Comment