Lust.

I feel completely helpless right now.  I don't know if I'm a naive person or if I simply choose to believe everyone is innocent until proven wrong.  I always give people the benefit of the doubt but does that make me a fool?  Am I simply setting myself up for failure because, despite all of the bad outcomes, I continue to choose to stand by my philosophy of believe people are all good until I have a reason to believe otherwise? 

I have met someone I quite enjoy spending time with but for the first time in a very long time I am terrified.  I am trying so hard to make myself think that it's no big deal if it doens't work out or he doesn't call.  I am trying to make myself believe that I don't care because maybe if I allow myself not to care I won't be dissapointed or let down. 

I have always been proud of the person that I am and been happy that no matter what outcome, I have always chosen to keep loving, to keep seeing the good in people, I have always loved this about myself.  But, now, after time and time again being the punching bag of assholes I am starting to believe that maybe this is a trait of mine I should not be proud of.  Maybe it isn't a good quality at all.  Maybe it is simply a naive way to live my life.  Maybe being a punching bag is life's way of saying 'grow some balls. people are jerks.' Maybe it's time I change my perspective.